he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
