there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
How's work?
Spinning.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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