I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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