I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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