I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i've created a new STD.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
