He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
