Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
