what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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