the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
