I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Welp...herpes.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
