I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish i was in the wii world.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
