he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
