So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
