I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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