I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I smell like Dick and happiness
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
