So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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