it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
