don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
