So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
