Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
