Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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