I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
