i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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