I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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