I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
