I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
