UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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