Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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