i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
