It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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