Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
