i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You smell like stripper and shame
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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