Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
