Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
