I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
