my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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