in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
