I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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