I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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