dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
is wine microwaveable?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
