i barfeds in our rink
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
