So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
