He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
