I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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