Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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