Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
