You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
