Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
