things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
