I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
