Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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