Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
