i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The power of my boobs compel you
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