So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
