gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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