i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
