i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
