I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If I had your ass I would rule the world
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
