Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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