oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Only a mothe r could love this liver
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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