Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
