he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
