Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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