I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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