New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
