his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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