Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
