I want to have your abortion
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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