when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
