why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
