so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
