the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
