Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
