Kiss
Puke
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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