I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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