He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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