i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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