That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize