So drunk its hurt
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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