Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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