i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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