They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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