I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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