Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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