we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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