i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
