well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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