i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
