i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
