Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
