i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize