I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
