"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
