Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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