you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
