i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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