I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
