My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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