There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
