I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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