At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
