tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
its not stalking. its research.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
