Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
